Self Medication

Self Medication

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An Apple a Day

Look, my father was a pharmacist in the USAF. So from around 1949-1966 my sister’s and I would visit his work place. By the way, I was great in science! So by osmosis, I know all things medical. Yep. Just ask my kids. Today, I have 2 mandatory pills to take daily. Doc and I don’t always see eye to eye on my treatment of high cholesterol and I get yelled at once my blood work is done. “So, what surprise am I going to get this time?” she’ll ask with her eye brows raised. ”You see, you will have high cholesterol no matter what you try.” I paid my deductible, left, and went to a better source of information, the internet, because everything printed there is factual, don’t ya’ know.

I’ve gone so far as to not take anything at all, dropped my milk down to fat free (can’t drink it), changed from butter to margarine (ewww), and exercised twice at day with some lady I recorded on TV, visualizing myself actually doing those stretches and movements from the safety of my couch. The results were awful. I promised to do better with the prescribed stuff until I discovered “The Mother.” A vinegar with residue floating around at the bottom. Then I read that vinegar might eat away at my stomach lining. An old Chinese proverb says, “eat the bulb from the earth for good life and more shrimp fried rice, ah so, little featherless chicken.” I took a spoon full of garlic powder, ate a garlic clove (super strong bad breath) and took garlic pills. Doctor Oz agrees with me in that I don’t have to take those pills if I eat an apple a day. I’ll eat two. Besides the apple, he said beet greens (that looks scary) and yeah for me, he recommends garlic. I told you I was smart. Then there was oatmeal. I love oatmeal but not steel cut and if I can’t add sugar and cream, forget it. Besides liver damage, muscle pain, and diabetes, high cholesterol causes memory loss. “I see, grasshopper with white hair.” That’s my problem. Ok, I’ll eat the apple and take my pills like a good girl just as soon as I remember where I’ve put them.

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